If Hamburg is supposed to be a pearl, I must have swallowed it

A note in advance: The following story deals with difficult topics such as violence and alcohol abuse, which can be stressful. Please be careful when reading and take a break if necessary.

I am a 42-year-old woman and have been living in Hamburg since February 2016, in a non-communal flatshare. I can’t afford my own flat in this expensive and socially freezing city. Flats are scarce in Hamburg – the city has the highest number of homeless people in Germany in relation to its population. I’ve had a housing eligibility certificate for over a year and still can’t find an affordable flat. I live with an alcoholic and her boyfriend. When they get drunk, it regularly ends in violence. And as a flatmate, I’m right in the middle of it. But I’m not affected according to the authorities and counselling services, I’m ‘just a witness’. I don’t get any help. I have a roof over my head, but at what cost? I live on basic income support, previously on citizen’s allowance. I’m permanently unable to work for health reasons. I am also in debt. And I’ve never been as lonely in my life as I am here in Hamburg. I am excluded from social participation. I’ve broken off contact with my biological family. My biological family doesn’t live in Hamburg either. I don’t have any friends. Even if I did get to know someone, I don’t have the money to go out. I don’t even have enough money for a non-alcoholic drink at a café. No, I don’t drink alcohol and I don’t smoke. Among other things, I suffer from depression, which is exacerbated by loneliness. And I need to lose weight, but I can’t afford to join a sports club or even go to the swimming pool, let alone pay a gym membership fee. There are no discounts for me. The upcoming elections make me very afraid that I will become homeless. That even the last remnants of what I need to survive will be taken away from me. What keeps me in Hamburg? Nothing except my legal counsellor. He is my only support. Let’s put it this way – at least he tries, but he too keeps hitting a brick wall. I need help, even with the housework. No chance. The lady from the debt counselling service said that I have to learn to live with my debts as long as my financial situation doesn’t change. But with debts and basic income support, it’s impossible to find a flat. Therefore, I have to put up with the violence here in the non-communal flatshare. The landlord doesn’t care and the police do too little or often nothing at all. My situation is hopeless. I wish I’d never moved to Hamburg! If Hamburg is supposed to be a pearl, I’ve probably swallowed it whole and am slowly choking on it.